Episodes

Lance talks about today's pop and country music and why it sucks. He opines it's a filtering issue. There's just no filter on what flushes down the internet stream. There used to be record companies and radio and TV programme...

Lance teases about clickbait, air-headed celebrity endorsements, how sex sells- well, duh- and why he keeps getting click bait on Meta- which he still calls Face Book- about a photo of side boob of some model he's never heard...

Lance talks about employment interviews. He begins by telling us about work he did as a kid and for which he didn't apply. This work is known as, "chores." With marketing know-how, Lance suggests a new name for chores: "Ble...

Lance builds a better mousetrap thinking that'll lead to great success. It's what he heard during his growin' up years. Did building a better mousetrap help him get ahead in a government job? Hah, no. What about when he buil...

Lance describes how his plans for not just a little, but a lot, of "somthin' somethin" turned into nothin' nothin over a four day weekend. There was always some darned excuse: too tired from the week, too bloated and gassy …

Lance talks about New Years. He tells us NYE means different things depending on your age. One thing that wasn't different for decades was Dick Clark on the tele and watching "The Ball" drop." What if the ball suddenly dropp...

Lance discusses Christmas versus Hanukkah. At Sunday school he was told he must learn to think for himself. Except, when it came to religion, which is, as everyone knows, from "on high," and cannot be questioned. He tells us...

With nine days before Christmas, Lance starts thinking about Christmas adult beverages. This gets him thinking about adult beverages, in general. He's a nauseous, no on, "The Nog," and not a connoisseur of wines- reds taste l...

Lance talks about Uber-- Uber annoying people (person) he got stuck behind at a booth selling luxury cookies at a local street fair. He gets triggered by a woman holding others up at his favorite cookie stand by asking one …

And a 5,6,7,8-- Strippers: Not just a stocking for your stuffer. No doubt, countless guys, and some gals, have fantasized about being with, or living with a stripper. Lance shares his experiences, living with, and dating str...

Lance says no thanks to the family Thanksgiving get together. The travel, the expense, the lousy customer service, the no so "world-famous" dishes, the annoyingly secretive and braggadocious relatives are all not worth it. He...

Smarty Pants Lance takes you into the kitchen to share some of how movie are made. Ol' Smarty is from the south, don't ya know, and he comes a callin' to see where a co-worker is at. His scene features …

Smarty Pants Lance holds a stethoscope up to Medical Assistants ("MA"). Since they've no brains, he didn't expect a pulse. There are three kinds of medical assistants: dumb, dumber, and dumbest. Becoming , Lance gets the dumb...

Smarty Pants Lance was and is a licensed attorney at law in California. A large part of his legal practice was criminal defense. Beaver Clever sez: No foolin'! In this episode, Lance describes quirky courtroom antics, the di...

Smarty Pants Lance, inspired by the Foreigner song, "Feels Like The First Time," questions whether the first time the best time? Introduced by The Duke himself, John Wayne, Lance tells the tale of his first three times, or at...

Smarty Pants Lance takes a look at a person's looks. Do looks matter? Do people look like their pets, cars, environments? What about a person's character? We've all known some "characters" haven't we? Do better looking peop...

Smarty Pants Lance talks about the comings, goings, and doings of weekends. Is it true that everybody's working for the weekend, as the 80's band, Loverboy proclaimed. Are weekends made for Michelob? Didn't weekends come int...

Smarty Pants Lance dons his visor and sleeve garter, grabs his adding machine, and totals up the cost in Costco and other discount membership warehouse stores. Go right on in, have a look around, and find bargains galore! A ...

Smarty Pants Lance talks about flakey people. They're not just on the Westcoast, anymore! Why are people so darn flakey? It's not a new phenomenon. In the past, Lance has befallen victim by flakes since his high school days...

In this, change-of-pace, episode, Smarty Pants Lance waxes sentimentally about his long ago and dearly departed rescue- a Husky mix- he named, Amanda or "Mander T. Commander." Was it fate or coincidence that brought then toge...

Smarty Pants Lance delves into the old saw; "Actions speak louder than words." It's about those things people say, but don't really mean. Manipulations, game playing, misrepresentation to out-and-out-fraud, and niceties, too...

At the insistence of so-called, friends, "Smarty Pants Lance," "Big Bangs" his way into podcasting with his first episode containing a short, humorous descriptions of a few of his life experiences, including: cheap and broken...

Smarty Pants Lance talks about his experiences with penny-pinching, cheap bastards. Including: a tight-as-a-tick, cheapskate, landlady who was always trying to save a buck, including the time she baked rolls of toilet paper i...

Watch the Pennies and the Dollars Will Watch Themselves!